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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2006.11.11  22.23 "Your going to gorw up, and you will stop hating her, you will change but she never will."

	2006.10.18  21.38 I wish I were a little prettier, a little taller. A little smarter, and a whole lot more content with myself. I hope my relationship is forever, and certain friendships never die. I hope I die happy, but live a life full of happiness.

	2006.10.11  21.24 Things get rocky from time to time. If it's not one thing it's always another. Hearing news that you already knew about and living with it day to day is a struggle only because you always have certain questions running through your head, forgetting about it wont ever happen but putting it behind you is always a possibility. Looking in the mirror and thinking, that I'm not that pretty is almost every girls thought but it sucks when you really think there was something you could do about it. Missing certain friends is always a bitch, but feeling like you can't live without them is always worse. Looking at a boy you love and wishing you could spend your whole life with him is hard when you want to please your parents, hearing that you are to young to be in a relationship, to young to be serious. I don't give a shit, I want to please them but i'll do it by making myself happy and doing things they want me to achieve. He puts my head in his hands and tells me, " your beautiful babe " and he hold my hands tightly when he says " i love you so much." He tickles me to where I laugh so hard, and then tells me he is sorry once he sees I'm to weak to fight back. Boy-friends and girl-friends talk about getting married, and there plans seem to fail at times, but I more then anything wish ours works out. He tells me he doens't know what he would to without me, and i would die thinking of ways to be happy. He takes stupid pictures with my phine, and i make him save them because i always want them to look at when i miss him. Music: immortal technique - dance with the devil

	2006.08.15  12.24 I'm ready to grow up, and to be grown up. But I know my mom isn't ready to let me go. I don't think she ever would be. I'm real excited about turning 18, and I'm even more excited about finsih my last year of high school. I'm going to try to take it slow, one day at a time, because so many people say that senior flies by. It's werid because when I was younger I could have never seen myself grown up. And here I am now. I'm excited about going to college. I really want to be a nurse. Then yet I don't want to grow up, because I don't want to move in diffrent directions from a few people. I really wonder if Ricky and I will spend the rest of our lives together. And I hope vicky and I raise our kids together. Mood: indescribable Music: tegan and sara - walkign with a ghost.

	2006.07.12  09.52 Stina was here since July the 7th, and she left yesterday. It was fun she wanted to go to the block so I drove there it wasn't that far, it was fun dirving with her on the freeway. My left arm is darker then my right arm now because I kept it out the window. I miss her a lot. She bought Bennie and Joon, a Johnny Deep classic, ( when we went to purchase it the lady at the cahsier nearly jizzed in her pants, she went on and on talking about she will probabaly go home from work and watch a Johnny Deep movie, and then go to bed and dream about Johnny Deep and start the whole routine all over againt he next day, she was werid )and I was watching it last night because I missed her so much. I feel asleep around 11:00 and the dvd was still playing, ricky called me and I didn't realize my vibrating phone until after he was done calling. I called him back sound all half asleep and not really even knowing what I was talking about. I love him, and I miss stina, and Vicky needs to come home because I miss her.

	2006.07.02  20.09 So things have been some what rocky, but I think everything is on it's way to getting better. I really hope so. I hope everything NOW is better for me. I miss laughing and actually meaning it; I miss being happy and not just faking it, I miss thinking that everything in my life would be ok, i just miss not worrying about anything. I realized how much I love my boy-friend, and how I can't put it into words. Maybe before I just thought I loved him, or maybe now I just grew deeper into it. He holds me when I don't feel good, and tells me that I will get better soon. He really does stick by my side when the going gets tough. I saw him this morning, he was tired so for a little while I watched him sleep, then I watched Cinderella Man. After the movie was over, I woke him up because I wanted him to eat something, plus I had been starving myself. I told him to rest, as I went to get us food. We watched a movie while we ate, don't remeber the name of it, but it was really funny. A long time ago Ricky told me about a song that reminded him of me, I looked for the song by the way he had described the lyrics. I knew it was by bright eyes, and it mentioned the winter, but I couldn't find the song that he was talking about. Today we were lying down, and he told me he found the song he told me about a while ago, and he put it on. The song was No lies, just love by bright eyes. We lied down listing to the song. Our bodies so close to one another. He told me he loves it when we lie that close to one another. The song is a sad song, I felt tears fill up in my eyes, not just because the song is sad, but I think really because I felt the love in our relationship stronger at that point then ever in my our whole relationship. Between the two of us, I love you's have always been said. Today he told me " I'm in love with you. " And my eyes watered, and I smiled real big. I hugged him, because I was at a loss of words, then he told me he hopes this never ends. I hugged him tighter then pulled away, and told him it wont end, that no it just wont end. I'm coming up on one more year of high school. & 4 years of knowing Ricky. 4 years of thinking he is the cuttest boy ever. <33 Mood: content Music: Brigth eyes - poison oak.

	2006.06.29  07.04 i pray that everything goes well. i'd lie if i didn't say i was scared. Mood: scared Music: atmosphere - don't ever fucking question that.

	2006.06.25  08.25 Happy Birthday Mommy. I hope the gift I got you serves you well. Sorry for doing bad things behind your back that you don't know about. Thank you for being proud of me. I love you.

	2006.05.29  08.15 Do you think it's silly to be serious when i'm not even out of high school? It's something I hope, and I could easily say it's something I know. I'm not even 18 yet, but I want to marry Ricky. Not now, and not anytime soon, maybe when we are ready financially and such. It's the feelings I still get after being together for two years. Usually, people lose feelings and realize it wasn't meant to be. Not in my case. Not in our case. It's the laughter he puts in my voice, and the smile I put on his face. I could easily say more then likley he feels the same. Spending the whole weekend with him was the cuttest thing in the world. Having to leave, i hated it. <3 Mood: happy Music: saul williams telegram

	2006.05.23  06.41 new phone. new number. new pretty color. over with stupid friends.

	2006.05.19  22.09 sometimes i hate being a girl. emotions tend to get the best of me. good night, Music: imogen heap - congradulations.

	2006.05.07  21.23 cuddled. watched i love hucklbees ate a whole medium pizza from dominozs with ricky.

	2006.05.05  06.21 i woke up today and wanted to do nothing but cuddle with ricky. i miss that boy. Music: the streets - stay positive

	2006.05.04  06.53 i waited until you came home from work. and you smiled as you walked closer. we watched tv, and cuddled, i looked in your face and told you i loved you. you told me you loved me too. we talked about the dreams that we had. pretty ironic the way they matched so close then yet were diffrent. that was a sour subject, my eyes wanted to water, and i saw the sadness in your eyes just talking about it. i showed you my big bite then you told me how cool it would be if we got married. brought up old time shwen we weren't the best to one another, and we feel thats what has made us what we are now. life is so big, and a day is so small. don't let something small ruin something big. i miss a few friends that have drifted, but they'll find there way back in time. Hopefully. my mom hasn't been feeling better. aren't doctors supposed to do help you with that? she hurts, and she's sick. it kills my day. and i felt sadness lifted off my sholders once ricky told me that he too hopes she feels better. my dad is almost done doing what he had to do with my car. he should have been a machanic. Music: The beatles - eight days a week

	2006.05.01  07.04 i hadn't heard the words "i love you" come out of one persons mouth in one day as much as i did yesterday. I felt that for a long time i made such a big deal out of this relationship for no reasson, that it'll just be some high school thing that would end on bad terms, but by the looks of it things will probably be really good in the end. he said he'd never go anything to jeopardize the relationship we have. and i said i'd never hurt him. i told him that shit always happens though, and if it does ever happen on his part to not give in to it. we promised one another we wouldn't. more then love for me is what he thinks he has. i tell him i love him back, but sometimes i wish i could do something out of the ordinary to show him how much. he said he doesn't know where he'd be with out me. and i donno who i'd vent to about the stupidest things if he weren't there. he puts his hand on my head when i'm frusterated. and he holds my hand when we lay down. i told him i'm sorry i was drama sometimes. he said it's ok all girls are drama. <333

	2006.04.20  20.20 We kissed for the first time in the living room of my parents house. It was a day in October or Novemeber. I don't really remeber. But you hadn't come to school that day, you didn't feel good, but you still made it to my house on time. April 8, 2004 you asked me to be your girl-friend. " I miss you." " I miss you too, see things like this make me think that you are ready for a relationship." " I think I am." " Tracy, do you want to be my girl-friend." " Yes." Feburary 14, 2005 we broke up. It was stupid, and it was a misunderstanding. You thought we'd never get back together. I always hoped we would. Months passed and we still talked. Everynight I cried because I missed you. Time passed then you asked me if I wanted to come over and talk. I told you I did, but I just didn't know when. I saw you and it felt as thought we had never broken up. I told you I missed you, and you said the same. Shortly after we got back together. December 31,2005 Was my 17th Birthday. I spent the night at your house. It was 12:00 o'clock, and you looked at me and said " Happy New Year babe." ( thank you vicky ) Since that day it's been hard being away from you. But clearly I learn to cope with it. April 8, 2006 Was two years since you asked me to be your girl-friend. Again I spent the night. And that too was a cute day. We ate a lot, and we bought a movie to watch, as though you didn't already have a lot anyways. the little days inbewteen those days that i see you make me smile too. i love you. Mood: indifferent Music: Bright eyes - you will you will you will

	2006.04.09  06.39 we made a toast to still being together & to loving one another. Happy two years Mr.Ricky Reynoso.

	2006.03.23  20.43 God saw you getting tired, and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you, and wispered 'come to me.' With tearful eyes we watched you suffer, and saw you fall away. Although we could not bare to lose you, we could not ask you to stay. A golden heart stopped beating. Hard working hands laid to rest. God borke our hearts to prove to us. That he only takes the best.

	2006.02.19  15.12 && i'll write to you and tell you, your that special one.

	2006.02.19  15.07 voices ring like those dreams that fear being awake. & birds fear the honesty of their own song. so wrong. like every truth. beneath the roots & roses. that lie within. when all the sin in the world can not live up to reality. Music: the streets - dry your eyes.

	2006.02.15  06.07 yesterday made me smile. last valentines day we went our sperate ways, but this valentiens day i coudln't help but smile. your the only boy that would let me wake you up when your dead tired. you ask me to take a little nap with you, and i lay my head under yours, and hold your hand, close my eyes, and just smile because your MY boy-friend. you told me you had a dream about me, but you forgot what took place, but i was in your dream. you asked me why i had to be so cute, and i asked you why you had to be the best thing in the world. you watched me do my hair, and you told me i looked like a model. i feed you some lame joke saying " yeah, a plus size model." but surely you know that i was kidding about my weight. your little sister told me spike didn't like me. but i proved her wrong when i picked him and rocked him in a back and forth motion the way you rock a baby. she smiled, and i guess took her comment back, because then spike wrapped his arms around mine. i told you that i've known you for a real long time, and you asked me if i want to know you longer. nothing sounds better then that. we steeped outside and talked about the pretty weather. we stood on your pourch and you hugged me, and i hugged you back. i love it ♥ Music: the velvetunder ground - oh sweet nuthin'

	2006.02.10  12.40 I think I need to start pulling it together. I'm this pesimistic person that I don't ever recall being. I'll be happy for a few split seconds then I'll question that happiness with "what ifs." I'm starting to think that I'm only like this because I'm to scared to lose him. It's as though I'm waiting for it to end. & I'm scared of it so I'm always think of it. But acting/thinking this way wont get me anywhere. so enough of it. Music: everdae - Bucca di Cappo

	2006.02.05  09.39 when your going to bed at night, lie there quietly to see if you can hear me crying. if you do, and if you wonder why i'm crying extremely hard for no apparent reasson, it's only because i miss you so much. last night i cried. and i wondered if you slept peacefully. the other day we drove through a tunnel. and i wasn't sure if the saying is to " hold your bearth" or to "make a wish" so i made a wish while holding my breath. & i wished that you'd love me forever. Mood: melancholy Music: dath cab for cutie - the new year

	2006.01.30  21.21 Tracy Real Big: awh, i love you jenna. Jennasaurous: man tracy, i freakin love you oh so much! Tracy Real Big: so much Tracy Real Big: omg!! Tracy Real Big: hah we said that at the same time. Jennasaurous: we said it at the same time! Jennasaurous: hahaha Tracy Real Big: omg@ Tracy Real Big: hahaha Jennasaurous: great minds think alike! :] Music: damien rice - the blowers daughter

	2006.01.29  21.17 On sticks and sand, lost my money, lost my hands. Blood on my brain, too much salt in my veins. And I thought pain was clean. And I thought hearts were strong. But bones aren't sticks anymore. And a day is far too long.